Saturday, January 21, 2012

stopping the self hate, learning how to be my own friend

So after the accidental binge eating fest I tried to go to bed.  I just kept ruminating on how much I hated myself.  Why didn't I stop?  No.  It's just a two letter word, I tell beggers "No" all of the time!  Why can't I say it to food? Why am I so weak?  The self-hating, well self-loathing went on for quite some time.  I felt just awful.  I HATED myself.  Critiques and insults just floated so naturally.  The my friends image floated into my mind.  I would NEVER say these things to her.  I love her and would just tell her tomorrow is a new day. Don't worry.  It's just one day.  I felt better, then I realized I'm in the worlds largest medical center.  My apartment complex literally backs up to the best cancer hospital in the world!  I'm beating myself up over eating while these people 2 minutes away are just praying for another day.  I felt instantaneously foolish.  How petty was I?  How could I say these things to myself?  Shouldn't I talk to myself the way I would talk to my friends, students, or even complete strangers!  I think I really need to learn how to love myself!

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